Value the empty to value the full, fully

Life is going past me in the form of relentless days and nights.
The universe is on it's own insolent schedule.
Weather inspires a throat full of knots.
All my occupation is of distraction, all I'm doing is so that I don't have to do what I ought to.

I have reached an impasse.
I need some distance but how does one swim in the water of a half-empty glass.



That man, in that black box has left without any trace and nobody knows he exists and I'm starting to wonder if I've been crazy all this while.




PS: Random rambles are back, I've been keeping myself busy with some birthday prep for a loved one, fingers are crossed, hope I won't have to look away this time.

Listen: 'Keh ke lunga' by Amit Trivedi and Sneha Khanwalkar from Gangs of Wasseypur II

When the world skipped a beat and I was the only one who noticed

It was like the inevitable outcome of a wait.

A baby is born at the end of 9 months.

There is wakefulness after sleep and day after night.

You finish what you have started to do or leave it mid-way.

Time moves and the evidence is in closure.

It was one of those things you are promised will happen at the end.

But this was different.

There was the wait and the faith.

Patience for the end, for the "at last".

It didn't happen, it didn't come, there was no end, there was no outcome, there was no baby at the end of labor, no day after night.

And everything moved on just the same. 

Nobody looked surprised or perturbed at the very least.

It was as though nothing was wrong.

Time conveniently skipped an end and everyone was fooled.

It was dream-like. 

Talking to someone you burned yesterday.

Nothing.was.wrong.

It was as though I was the only one who knew what happened.

Nobody believed me. 

This unnatural turn of events went unnoticed.

There was a time when I believed that gaining was the outcome of yearning.

I was proven wrong.

Time still deceives and skips and turns and loops over and over and over again on itself. Well played.

Listen: Cokestudio season 2 mixes, especially 'Yaatra' and 'Badri Badariya' from the Amit Trivedi episode and 'Dungar' from the Clinton Cerejo episode.

Read: Blind willow, sleeping woman by Haruki Murakami, made me want to write again :)

:|

Through all the inordinate, jumbled mass of words,
 Like an unnecessary splatter of amateur murder blood,
 I lie scattered, inarticulate, wearing a fresh coat of dust.

Am I Dreaming?

Starry moonlit sky
As the holy waters go by

Thoughts of mind
Body of an aural kind

And you, my only way
To know what is true; and what seems astray

Jading my unconsciousness are you,
Totemic, earth-believer









Listen: 'Sacred Science' from the collaboration of Karsh Kale, Baiju and Harigovindan.

How I stopped getting kissed, getting wild and still got a life

Linearity is a lot of fun afterall :)
The last two months have been about prioritizing incessantly and cutting out the variables in my course of existence. Also i tried very hard to feel fully and let all the craziness take over life. Yes, its been bad. A lot of psychological trouble manifests physically i've noticed. But its all good in the end. This experiment has yielded wonderful results although I still remain in search and yearning for all my loving.
I love sabbaticals, this holiday has reinforced that is new way of life seems to work pretty well for me. Somebody once told me that the most boring way to live was to be bouncing along safely in the middle of the apparent crests and troughs. Most of which I used to think are mental make-ups. There's a lot of drama to live and I love it. Besides, now I feel like an Architect, the internship helped clear a lot of dread about wanting to admit that I am an Architect, there I said it. Phew.
I am also a Teacher, I miss my kids at Make a Difference. I'm trying my very best to help them explore all the ways that they can learn best. So far, its been really good. Children are imperceptibly passive learners and to understand that is the greatest joy because no matter what we do in class; they are taken something back each time even if it is the tiniest thing.

Meanwhile, I've found some beautiful new music and literature too.
Zeb and Haniya are Pakistani artists who make soft rock-blues-jazz-alternative-ish music. The vocals are simply inspiring.



Listen: Aitebaar from their album Chup


Happy Diwali :)

Juvenile delinquent

Stupid silly
Silly ridiculous
Ridiculous shame
Shame hurt
Hurt pain
Pain anger
Anger disappointment
Disappointment expectation
Expectation unlawful
Unlawful bastard
Bastard love
Love stupid
Stupid silly


PS: Victoria by John Mayer

Happy Ganpati

Lesser Gods

To all the loving, needing, wanting, winning, losing, missing, yearning in the world. More than those who have been...and stayed....and gone. A projection of all the love gained and lost.


Flower Boy

He who smells of rain. Spells of an evergreen forest

A winter bloom. Race of uneven flesh

Powers of the collective of known. Upholder of belonging

Incantations. Holy verses bathed in pleasure

Pain of wanting, untarnished. Intensity of inescapability

Ungiving, forgiving, denying. Cobwebs of familiarity

Sweet, sweet smelling agony.

Stranger

Betrayer, son of the night.

Further than far.

Eyes of a cold faraway fire.

Perfect imperfection of hands.

Spine of fetal, feline recoil.

Conflict in the depth of silence.

Lover of the mirror.
Hands;Body;Mind;Heart-Soul?



Piece of Moon

Man of a whole universe.

Glib. Incorrect. Endearing.

Mind of the skies.

Home of his embrace.

Uncovered, blind faith.

Beautifully complete.

Sparkle

Formwave of love.

Ever-denying, control.

Powerful bursts of firework.

Inextricable unpredictability.

Listen: I will possess your heart; Death Cab for Cutie