Am I Dreaming?

Starry moonlit sky
As the holy waters go by

Thoughts of mind
Body of an aural kind

And you, my only way
To know what is true; and what seems astray

Jading my unconsciousness are you,
Totemic, earth-believer









Listen: 'Sacred Science' from the collaboration of Karsh Kale, Baiju and Harigovindan.

How I stopped getting kissed, getting wild and still got a life

Linearity is a lot of fun afterall :)
The last two months have been about prioritizing incessantly and cutting out the variables in my course of existence. Also i tried very hard to feel fully and let all the craziness take over life. Yes, its been bad. A lot of psychological trouble manifests physically i've noticed. But its all good in the end. This experiment has yielded wonderful results although I still remain in search and yearning for all my loving.
I love sabbaticals, this holiday has reinforced that is new way of life seems to work pretty well for me. Somebody once told me that the most boring way to live was to be bouncing along safely in the middle of the apparent crests and troughs. Most of which I used to think are mental make-ups. There's a lot of drama to live and I love it. Besides, now I feel like an Architect, the internship helped clear a lot of dread about wanting to admit that I am an Architect, there I said it. Phew.
I am also a Teacher, I miss my kids at Make a Difference. I'm trying my very best to help them explore all the ways that they can learn best. So far, its been really good. Children are imperceptibly passive learners and to understand that is the greatest joy because no matter what we do in class; they are taken something back each time even if it is the tiniest thing.

Meanwhile, I've found some beautiful new music and literature too.
Zeb and Haniya are Pakistani artists who make soft rock-blues-jazz-alternative-ish music. The vocals are simply inspiring.



Listen: Aitebaar from their album Chup


Happy Diwali :)

Juvenile delinquent

Stupid silly
Silly ridiculous
Ridiculous shame
Shame hurt
Hurt pain
Pain anger
Anger disappointment
Disappointment expectation
Expectation unlawful
Unlawful bastard
Bastard love
Love stupid
Stupid silly


PS: Victoria by John Mayer

Happy Ganpati

Lesser Gods

To all the loving, needing, wanting, winning, losing, missing, yearning in the world. More than those who have been...and stayed....and gone. A projection of all the love gained and lost.


Flower Boy

He who smells of rain. Spells of an evergreen forest

A winter bloom. Race of uneven flesh

Powers of the collective of known. Upholder of belonging

Incantations. Holy verses bathed in pleasure

Pain of wanting, untarnished. Intensity of inescapability

Ungiving, forgiving, denying. Cobwebs of familiarity

Sweet, sweet smelling agony.

Stranger

Betrayer, son of the night.

Further than far.

Eyes of a cold faraway fire.

Perfect imperfection of hands.

Spine of fetal, feline recoil.

Conflict in the depth of silence.

Lover of the mirror.
Hands;Body;Mind;Heart-Soul?



Piece of Moon

Man of a whole universe.

Glib. Incorrect. Endearing.

Mind of the skies.

Home of his embrace.

Uncovered, blind faith.

Beautifully complete.

Sparkle

Formwave of love.

Ever-denying, control.

Powerful bursts of firework.

Inextricable unpredictability.

Listen: I will possess your heart; Death Cab for Cutie

Luck By Chance?

Relief, I know what it means to feel it in its full entirety. Do I feel anything fully? Now I do.

Third year: First class pass.

All I feel is relief, not happiness. It was never about doing well. To do well is to grow internally, to know you’ve achieved what you’ve wanted to. I do feel apathetic too. When an outcome has no true reflection of hard-work, talent or aptitude how can it be valid? In my bubble of security am I really better than the others? The answer is within me. You are as good as you believe. There can never be a justification in the cruel joke that they call the ‘result’.

For the first time in my architectural life have I thought of ‘The Fountainhead’ as an example; Peter Keating will always know in his heart who he is and how good an architect he is, no matter what the world says.

I look around with sheer disbelief.

Having said this, I am really glad to have gotten it over with; no third year to re-visit. But my empathy lies with those who deserved much more than they were destined for.




The Irreconcilable Trinity:


Deserved, Desired, Destined


If the three made peace, the world would be a better place. Or just teach me how to desire what I am destined for, not more and definitely not less.

Wound

Battered, black and blue

Bruised, crimson and red

Recovered, purple and pink

Healed, yellow and beige



My temporary tattoo, 'sore' reminder of incidents never to be owned.





Read-ing: Last Man in Tower, Aravind Adiga
Listen-ing: Coke studios has some really beautiful mixes :)

Happy-shiny Raindrop faces

Happy, happy rain of your eyes
and the grey sparkled sky

Silent cold shiver of your spine
and goose-fleshed delight of mine

Bronzed wet matted hair of yours
With the smoke and sun in mine

Silver dreams behind your closed eyes
The best of my day-dreams

Splattering, ungraceful,tumultuous wind and rain
Mirror of our desires, unnamed

We wait for the rainbow today
wondering how far off will be, again?

Hot air-balloons in a moon glazed sky
Floating to a land called Away




Clouds float solemnly past me as though at a funeral. The tears have been shed, the window hides in her cloudy veil and the shroud of summer stretches endlessly above. We will mourn the death of summer's insolence a long long time.





PS:
Read: Curious incident of the dog in the nighttime.
Listen: Parachutes, Coldplay